pill for your ills

Oh man, I went through this situation last fall. There was a smell very much like shit, and I couldn't identify it for a month or more. Finally figured it out, though. It was the potato I let grow in a tub of water to see what would happen. Oh lord, when I sniffed in the tub to be sure...


An escalating airsoft fight in my apartment resulted in a light bulb being shot and shattered. How do I get out the part you screw in? Oh yeah! I remember hearing you could cut a potato in half, shove that fucker in there, and turning the potato will catch the remnants of the light and move it from socket!!

Oh wait, no, it just fills the socket with shredded raw potato. Oh well, didn't need that light anyway. Months later, I have a light socket growing mold. Nice.


I'll just go ahead and say that I live in Florida, just so you understand the local wildlife. Ok, so instead of a nightstand, I have a chair that sits next to my king sized bed. Nightly food runs after the bar end up under said chair, maybe with leftover morsels of food. While the roaches started off as a problem, multiple fairly large lizards have also found their way in. I figure that I'll let natural selection deal with it, and only haul out bags of fast food about every 3 weeks, just to keep things in balance. I figure that's just the bachelor way.

Daikatana Ritsu

Doin this thang.


I got creative and tried to open a can of beer with a crossbow. Didn't work out as well as planned, but I did get to shotgun it.

El Estrago Bonito

The best way to keep cool if you dont have AC is to fill 5 gallon buckets with water and position them in a loose circle around where you're sitting. Then you put a fan at water level on one or two of them to blow the cooled air at you. Obviously you need to be careful not to spill any water everywhere but the presence of thirty or so gallons of water in close proximity does lower the ambient air temperature quite a bit. You could also do it with a large metal wash bin or a VERY small pool. I'm not recommending you pitch a fucking pool in your living room, I'm saying fill one of those very small kids pools and use it lower the air temperature without being inside it or having it anywhere near electronics of any kind.


To all the sweaty hot bachelors out there, here's a cool tip for you: instead of drinking your morning coffee piping hot like usual, why don't you just add ice to it for a cold treat? This may also work for any other coffees you consume during the day.

Zombie Pirate

You want to really make your iced coffee worth it? Freeze coffee in an ice cube tray. Use in place of regular ice. That way your coffee doesn't dilute.

Daikatana Ritsu

My god.

What the hell, gonna chug some myself! Thanks to the Goons for sharing the secrets of single life, and thanks to Shmorky for the illustrations! Hit him up for bachelor-pad tips, the man works wonders with paper products!

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

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