Zack: You were in a cult with this guy and you didn't even see his face?
Steve: We were all wearing hoods. It was that kind of scene, man. You have to stop the killer. The fire is trying to come all the way through. Through me and now this other man, the murders are forming some sort of pattern...I...you have to...
Steve: He starts having a seizure on the bed and blood comes out of his nose. He manages to flail his arm and open the drawer on the nightstand. A musty book falls out.
Zack: I pick it up.
Steve: It is a copy of the Book of Dzyan. It's a minor occult book, but you see its pages are well-worn and marks have been made throughout it. You don't have much time to look at it though because nurses are rushing into the room to deal with Edward Barlow. They make you leave.
Zack: I give the book to Eazy-E. "Here you go home slice. Ancient language. This is your expertise."
Steve: It's actually in English.
Zack: "Psych!" I take the book back. Classic Cobain.
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.