Zack:They allow full-contact fighting, use of explosives and lasers, half-human hybrids, but if you put your head down when you tackle you're going to receive a huge fine.

Steve: If full-contact fighting means like in MMA when the two dudes start rolling around on the floor grabbing each other's butts then I don't think that would be an improvement.

Zack: Clearly it says "full-contact" and if my lifetime of interpreting the signs at Korean massage parlors has taught me anything that phrase means full sexual intercourse.

Steve: I bet this is Kevin Siembieda's commentary on American sports. Everything is extreme and to the max.

Zack: Juicer Baseball takes 20 hours to play and looks like those bonus stages from Street Fighter where you just beat the shit out of something until it falls apart.
Steve: Juicer Hockey is more like jousting with those compressed air spears they used to explode the monster in DeepStar Six.

Zack: Juicer Basketball is the same, but played entirely in power armor in an alternate dimension where crab men invade the earth through a portal in the ocean.

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