"I've never given much thought to how I would die, but dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go." Alas, soon after our hero Bella uttered these words, she encountered the actual merchants of her death: Ne'er-do-well musicians who attempted to court her but, due to vile enchantment, could only speak lyrics from their fateful recent albums.
T-Pain, mounted on an elephant, approaches Bella.
T-Pain: "I'm the sex police, you have been arrested."
Bella, mumbling quietly: "I'm not scared of you."
T-Pain "Shawty, you ain't gotta be scared of me."
Bella: "I'm not afraid of you." *Punches him playfully*
T-Pain: "Girl, you're Mike Tyson, and I like it. I like your body. I get down on the dance floor. Bring your dancing shoes and something to tie your hair."
Brandon Flowers, a mysterious androgynous figure associated with "The Killers," interrupts, arriving in a suspiciously rapid fashion.
Brandon: "No one gives a damn about her hair. Are we human or are we dancer?"
Bella: "Dancing, not such a good idea for me. Can you at least try and act human?"
T-Pain: "I'm the phantom in your opera. Am I scaring your friend?"
Torn between her suitors, Bella allows both to present their strengths.
Brandon: "You know I'm fine"
T-Pain: "My dick is the shit Batman motherfucking slides down to change clothes and get in the Batmobile."
T-Pain takes Bella aside to show her his jewelry collection.
T-Pain: "You see my bling bling, check out the carats."
Bella nods politely, but indicates that she already owns a gaudy golden onion.
T-Pain: "I can put you in a log cabin."
Bella seems nonplussed.
T-Pain: "I would be the sunlight in your universe. You will think my love was really something good, baby."
Bella inquires if he'd like to list anything more tangible.
T-Pain: "I'd rather just say fuck you instead."
Bella: "Your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash"
Brandon: "When your highs are low, joyride. Stumble in the TWILIGHT."
Bella: "So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?"
Brandon attempts to lead Bella away, but she recoils at his corpselike touch.
Brandon: "My hands are cold."
T-Pain: "I always thought the nigga was a vampire! Biting bitches, fresh bitches, biting hoes all in the neck, suckin' blood. I never understood that about these Dracula-type niggas, you know the bitch bleed once a month."
Bella falls in love with Brandon, but she isn't sure if she wants to become a vampire.
Brandon: "You think you might cross over, you're caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. You better look it over, before you make that leap."
T-Pain: "Bitch gotta make a decision. One dude, one lady, one sane, one crazy - sounds like a show to me!"
While pondering her plight, Bella hears knocking.
Brandon, looking through the peephole: "Demon's at the door."
Axl Rose: "I've got a wicked demon. His hunger never fades."
Axl sinks his teeth into Bella's arm.
Axl: "All the love in the world couldn't save you, all the innocence inside. I am inconquerable. I don't give a fuck 'bout them, 'cause I am crazy."
Brandon: "Just another white trash county kiss"
T-Pain: "Bite that shit. She screamin' like ahhhh, ahhhh!"
Brandon attempts to defend Bella, but Axl bites him as well.
Brandon, delirious with blood loss: "The star maker says it ain't so bad, the dream maker's gonna make you mad, the spaceman says 'everybody look down, it's all in your mind'"
Axl: "You're crazy. That's not stardust on my feet. Wish I had a gun."
T-Pain: "I'll turn every bullet to a Hershey's kiss, and we can eat away our fear."
Brandon, dying dramatically: "They took my blood. Take a number where the blood just barely dried. I don't wanna be damned, oh hell. My spirit moans, with a sacred pain. Goodnight, travel well."
Axl: "So bittersweet, this tragedy."
T-Pain: "The way that you look is tragic." *shoots Axl*
T-Pain: "Y'all niggas can die slowly. Three ate-up little white children."
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Here are some cool music things, maybe u should check them out. And/or here are some terrible music things, maybe u should check them out if u like to laugh or maybe u should avoid them if u get really angry when u see something stupid.
Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful