"I've used beer instead of water when brushing my teeth"
"I've wiped my wet/dirty hands off on dogs before."
Tony Danza Clause
"Hungover girl woke up in my bed and came out to find me eating cereal naked on the couch. Her look of 'what am I doing with my life?' wasn't much of a disguise for her faux-polite 'Well, I've gotta go, I've got...' cut off by my uncaring 'yeah.' I've never felt more like a disgusting pig. It was awesome."
"Make what I call 'Poor Man's Pad Thai'. It's basically spaghetti, peanut butter and hot sauce. I could order real Thai, but I'm too lazy."
"If I've had my underwear on so long it gets itchy and I don't want to do laundry, I'll just shove a paper towel down there for a day or two."
"I lost all my socks in moving, so have exclusively worn flip flops for the past 2.5 years, and wear said flip flops until giant holes appear in the heels."
Master is troll wizard, so's if he get angry he might cast spell up on my self and bite off my whole head in one chomp.
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Kirk Cameron destroys the internet with his rage and jacks it to boats, hallelujah!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.