My penis is like a VW Beetle. Designed by Hitler and able to carry two adults and three children.
My penis is like a Buick from the late seventies sitting on cinderblocks in some redneck's backyard.
My penis is like a golf-cart. Its alot of fun to ride around all day hitting my white balls.
My penis is like a Toyota Hilux; not the biggest truck on the road but reliable, long lasting and a whole lot of fun get in and out of tight spots and interesting situations.
My vagina is like my '78 F-150. Dented up, jerry rigged so it will run, hard to get in to, been beaten badly, sometimes slow to start and takes a bit of jiggling to get it going. But once it is going it's loud, bucks alot, intimidates other drivers, there is no stopping it, and has been known to utterly destroy other vehicles when provoked. It's also full of centipedes.
My penis is like a collectors edition model car. It's everything I want but will never get. And I only pull it out from under the bed to play with it alone or with very good friends that know how to handle it properly. And we make "vroom vroom" noises when we play with it.
My penis is like my 300ZX turbo, looks great from a distance but up close its covered in scratches from over use. It takes off super fast but runs out of gas in no time and gives you no lasting enjoyment.
My penis is like a flying car: I keep hoping I'll be driving it daily any year now, but it never seems to get out of testing.
My penis is like a used 2004 Ford Focus. Its economical, fuel-efficient, has a good stereo system and has had only one previous owner. In other words its perfect for today's modern college girl on the go.
My penis is like an old Ferrari. Once it is yours, you will be proud, but it will only end up fucking you and taking your money.
My vagina is like BMW's iDrive. Overly complicated interface, and confuses and frustrates anyone attempts to touch it.
My penis is like KITT, It does its own stunts and sometimes it talks to me and tells me what to do.
My penis is like a classic Cadillac Severly overhyped and marketed towards those older than me.
My penis is like a '65 Shelby Daytona. Wide, way too powerful, gets where it is going at the speed of light (if desired), and annihilates europeans.
My cock is like an '89 Camry. Leave it unlocked and out in the open too long and it's bound to get jacked.
My penis is like my Jeep Wrangler. The top is off, and it can go anywhere I want it to.
My penis is like an El Dorado with shitty hydraulics. Long and leaning to the left.
My penis is like a used 1990 Ford Taurus station wagon: stronger and more robust than it seems to the naked eye.
My penis is like a delivery truck full of liver: It's big and juicy, but nobody wants it.
My shaft is like a Merkur XR4Ti, strange and weak looking while idle, yet extremely powerful and nimble when put to the test.
My vagina is like a Kia Sorento - it tends to bottom out.
My penis is like a 1993 Honda Prelude: sleek, sporty, and lasts a long time. Too long, actually. In fact, it's probably not going to happen tonight. No baby, it's not your fault. Seriously, though- get off of me.
My penis is like Biff's car from Back To The Future - only I know how to get it started right, and when I'm older I plan to travel back in time and ride it. And it's been covered in manure twice when rear-ending another vehicle.
My penis is like a convertible; it has a retractable cover that a lot of people really hate.
Every penis is like a car with manual transmission. Nobody understands how to work it as well as the owner, and when someone inexperienced gets ahold of it, they tend to fuck it up.
My penis is like a fuel/electric hybrid car -- it never runs out of gas.
My penis is like Herbie the VW Bug. It's small, has a mind of its own, and Lindsay Lohan loves to ride it.
My penis is like a van. I don't know how it fits in the garage, but I'm glad it does.
My penis is like my 1996 Chevy Astro Van. Big, innefficent, smelly, and girls are afraid of it
My penis is like the old GTO in my garage. I'm constantly working on it with my hands but no one ever rides it.
My penis is like my 2000 Audi S4 - Nobody pays attention to it until I decide to lay down the wood. And then everybody is like "Where the fuck did THAT come from?" It also uses 4 19 inch rubbers at once.
My penis is like the A-Team van, men like to ride it, usually in groups.
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.