My classmates and I decided to go on a holiday together to celebrate the fact we all passed our final exams at business school. I was 19 at the time.
We picked Tunisia as our target, as that's quite a common and even more important as we didn't have much money to spend, cheap holiday spot for people from Europe. You have to know that Tunisia is a mostly Islamic country, although they are rather tolerant when it comes to tourists and their holiday habits.
So we spend our days relaxing on the beach and dancing the nights away in clubs and bars, and after 2 days I manage to find me a nice Tunisian guy for a little holiday flirt. He joins me and my classmates on the beach the next day and we are mostly just relaxing on the beach, enjoying the sun, the warm water and the beautiful weather.
My holiday flirt and I started making out on my towel, hot kisses and lots of touching everywhere and moaning was involved, it all ended with me giving him a handjob, while my classmates pretended not to see what we were doing in the middle of them all.
Remember where I said that Tunisia is an Islamic country? Right... there were a few Tunisian people not too far away from us, enjoying a day on the beach too... They weren't too pleased with our making out I guess (I should have known better I know, but I was young), and just as I was finishing him off with my hand two mounted policemen turned up and things got rather serious.
After a heated discussion with the policemen about a) why I am making out on the beach with a Tunisian guy in Front of Tunisian people and b) a speech about Islamic rules and habits which forbid making out in public (I deserved that speech of course) the policemen decided to let me get away with a warning and still wished me a nice stay in Tunisia. I sat on my towel blushing in various deep red colors while my classmates were very amused (very amused is an understatement, I think they almost died laughing).
I was very relieved for my part, after all I guess I did break a few Tunisian laws and got away with just a warning. Then the policemen turned to my holiday flirt and things got very very serious again. I don't think they like to see people hitting on tourist girls and even less, making out with them on the beach. They then decided to make him stand up, gave him a head start of a few meters and then chased him off the beach with their horses, while the crowd on the beach went wild, cheering at the policemen on their horses and laughing at my poor holiday flirt.
My classmates had fun picking on me for the rest of the holiday, and my holiday flirt was very very reserved in public after this incident.
I learned my lesson, no more making out on beaches!
My friend was having sex with her boyfriend and she said, "Babe I have to fart" so he told her to just do it and she did and apparently it was so bad that it made his eyes water and he lost his erection.
Larry was 15 and had not had the "birds and bees" talk form his parents. He had just starting dating this girl Christina, who was 2 years older than he was (17). They went to the movies, and she starts giving him head in the back of the theater. Larry liked what she was doing, and after a few minutes, he thought he had to piss. So he excuses himself and runs to the bathroom, but doesn’t have to go anymore.
He comes back and she picks up right where she left off. He gets the piss feeling again, and runs to the restroom, but still no piss. He heads back, and away she goes again. He gets the feeling again, and says "Fuck it!" He just goes with the feeling. Now he's thinking "Holy shit, this girl just let me pee in her mouth!" Later he realized just what happened, but at the time, he had no idea what ejaculating felt like.
He calls this story "The Awakening of the Penis", and tells it all the time.
while eating out my girlfriend one afternoon, I was in an odd position (though she was liking it) and was going at it pretty energetically when my gag reflex kicked in and I vomited. that was so embarrassing. she was cool about it and everything, knowing just how freaked I was (recovering sociophobe). we just cleaned up a bit, she ran off to the bathroom, then came back and said "well, where were we?"
more funny, rather than embarrassing, are the times when the phone has rang for her while we were "in the throes" at her parents' house. her family was really open, so it was expected that we'd be sleeping together, but still it's funny to be missionary, hear the phone ring, hear "[name withheld], it's for you!" and have her engaged in a conversation with a potential employer while I was still inside of her.
Repeating myself again: To those of you who’ve made it this far, please make note: I DID NOT WRITE THESE. THE GOONS IN OUR FORUMS DID. ALSO, PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME YOUR OWN PERSONAL “I got caught” STORIES. IT’S WEIRD.
Okay! See you all next week, you crazy diamond you!
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
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