Monday, Sep 25, 2000 by Kitty the Talking Octopus

We hope Kitty has taught you kids a valuable lesson. NEVER assume the Police are just one of the "good guys" who are there to uphold the law! They're all evil stormtroopers who are solely interested in crushing your spirit and brutalizing you for their own pleasure! Here's some helpful suggestions for dealing with the Police.

If you hear a knock at your door followed by somebody identifying themselves as a Police officer, DO NOT let them in! Respond by shrieking, "screw off, pigs!" If they continue to knock, claim you have a gun and you're not afraid to use it!
If somebody breaks into your house and starts stealing your stuff, DO NOT call the Police! They will merely rush in and beat up the criminal AND you! Instead, walk up to the burglar and ask him if he'd like to talk with you about his need to break the law. Sit down with the person and discuss his issues. Criminals are people too and just need a little guidance.
Whenever you spot somebody trying to raise money for Widows of Slain Police Officers or something equally ludicrous, make sure to spit in their donation can and shout "FASCIST!"
Scream slogans such as, "PEACE, NOT GUNS!" frequently when you're walking through the mall.
Protest by never seeing any of the RoboCop movies, except the third sequel, the one where he helps the homeless people.
When playing "Cowboys and Indians", always be the Indians (Native Americans) and try to smash all the Cowboys in the face with large rocks.