Iron Lord (1990)

Steve: Hell frigging yeah, bro! This is what games are all about!

Zack: Giant sinister umbrella stands and archery?

Steve: No, no, no, dude. Huge racks, knights charging at crap with lances, knights fighting other knights, castles and junk. It's the best.

Zack: I don't know, it seems to be missing something. Like a dragon or a skeleton.

Steve: Yo, look, there are two kinds of fantasy. There is high fantasy, which is like Hobbit stuff and orcs and goblins and dragons. Then there is low fantasy, which is like realistic fantasy like Conan or Gor.

Zack: How can you tell the difference?

Steve: Two ways: wizards and racks. In high fantasy wizards own totally, in low fantasy wizards get their butts kicked non stop by badasses. In high fantasy racks can be sweet as heck, but they're also like classy racks, in low fantasy the babes are total freaks with huge jugs just going buck wild all the time. Some of them might not even wear a top, they're just that secure in their broadness.

Zack: So what you're saying is that goblins and huge jugs cannot coexist?

Steve: Right, but that rule doesn't apply to lizard men, who could be mutated men who just worshipped a fallen god too much. They love mega-hooters.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.

  • Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.