Sorry "depressedbitch" but this information may lead to you hurting yourself! We wouldn't want that would we? Wait, what am I saying? Of course I would.

My expert analysis is that you were either physically, mentally, or verbally abused as a child and therefore are posting on the internet.

There are many signs of depression you want to look out for. If your best friend winds up dead in a bathtub full of blood, he or she may be depressed. Other signs may include jumping off of a very high building, posting on the internet, or registering for IGN Insider.

A lesbian and a gay man living with eachother? I smell an NBC situation comedy!

My expert advice is that you are fat and disgusting. NEXT!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, SEX EDUCATION DOES NOT FUCKING WORK. Teenage abstinence can only be ahchieved through the fear of the Lord Jesus Christ, or death. Either way the kids need to stop fucking right now.

I love the Something Awful "GOONS" as much as I love a good balcony, but some of them have a hard time making simple decisions.

Isn't this the sort of conversation you should be having with your father, school counselor, or parishioner, and not your mom?

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.