Oh Christmas Tree! Oh Christmas Tree! How easy it is to decorate thee!

No need to worry about a water shortage, branches breaking, the right location, or even pesky tree trimming in this fun and whimsical Christmas Tree costume. Your green thumb (or torso, as it is) will shine brightly as you show off your holiday spirit adorned with a gold star, red ornaments and silver garland. Your feet will even be "boxed" and "wrapped" in festive shoe covers. Anytime, anyplace, you and yours can be rockin' around the Christmas tree!

  • Available in Adult Size: L/XL.
  • Black shirt and striped tights are not included.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Hey, I'm dressed like two months from now!

Zackula: Yay, just what I wanted. A Halloween reminder that from here on out the year is going to be miserable.

Dr. Thorpenstein: If you find my costume distressing, please imagine that we may all be dead by then.

Zackula: In a world where Christmas stomps through Halloween parties, the living will envy the dead.

Dr. Thorpenstein: I think once you get big enough that you're so uncomfortable with your body that you have to wear these huge, shapeless costumes, you stop worrying about things like temporal propriety.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Like, if I gained about 50 lbs, I'd probably start looking pretty hard at big burlap sacks that say "2014" on them.

Zackula: As bad as this costume hurts going in, it hurts twice as much when you try to pull it out.

Zackula: And it leaves a lot of tinsel behind in the wound. Likely to cause an infection.

Dr. Thorpenstein: And that star. Whew.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Even if you put this in the closet for a few months and wore it at a more suitable time, you'd still jump out of the closet and your kids would freak the fuck out because MOMMY IS STEPPING IN THE PRESENTS!!!

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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