Submitted by yours truly
America may be #20 in education, #37 in health care, #46 in literacy and #4 in income inequality but BAH GAWD we are #1 when it comes to videos of fat sacks of garbage plowing through rib-shaped mystery meat patties and 40 oz bottles of malt liquor! USA! USA! USA!
0:20 - (While arranging his nearly 2000 calories worth of Mickie D's) "I cannot digest raw onions."
2:48 - "Bwuh bwoh. Ah gowt teff meffage."
3:20 - "BAUAUUUUUURRRRRRRP. Nice."
3:57 - "BURRRP. Nice."
5:23 - "Think I got some sauce in my nose. *wipes nose with napkin, then face with same napkin* Mmm. Woo!"
6:12 - "Thank you, uh, LegacyVXT. Yea-BURUURURRNRRNRNRNURUERPPRPPHPPRPPHPHPP. That's what I was looking for."
7:58 - "Oh yes. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP"
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!