Ridgely_Fan: Steve Ballmer, since you're so rich how come you don't buy a shirt that fits? Is it your awkward hip to shoulder ratio that's making it difficult to find a shirt?
SB: I keep getting boners around the office, so I have to tuck my woohoo up into my belly. My dick is this big:
So you can see why it needs to be nice and loose. Like my women. Hehe.
Null Pointer: How many chairs would a chairchuck chuck if a chairchuck could chuck chairs?
SB: Is that you, Eric Schmidt?
Listen to me, you do-goody altruistic piece of fucking human trash: I wasn't drunk last night when I called you. Not that drunk, anyway.
I will take ALL OF GOOGLE AND SMASH IT INTO TINY.
Thug Bonnet: steve, when are u gonna depreciate wpf?
SB: Depreciate? WPF? Uhh...
You have pretty eyes.
Bought Account: how u feel about pizza
SB: What's on it?
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.