Ridgely_Fan: Steve Ballmer, since you're so rich how come you don't buy a shirt that fits? Is it your awkward hip to shoulder ratio that's making it difficult to find a shirt?

SB: I keep getting boners around the office, so I have to tuck my woohoo up into my belly. My dick is this big:

So you can see why it needs to be nice and loose. Like my women. Hehe.


Null Pointer: How many chairs would a chairchuck chuck if a chairchuck could chuck chairs?

SB: Is that you, Eric Schmidt?
Listen to me, you do-goody altruistic piece of fucking human trash: I wasn't drunk last night when I called you. Not that drunk, anyway.
I will take ALL OF GOOGLE AND SMASH IT INTO TINY.
LITTLE.
PIECES.


Thug Bonnet: steve, when are u gonna depreciate wpf?


SB: Depreciate? WPF? Uhh...

You have pretty eyes.


Bought Account: how u feel about pizza


SB: What's on it?

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.