Steve: So you can be super beautiful angels or perfect humans or you can be weird hybrid animals.
Zack: Like a scorpion centaur.
Steve: Can't fit into a car, but who needs a car when you can scurry super fast?
Zack: It would be exhausting trying to keep up with everybody else riding in a car.
Steve: You could ride on top of the car.Zack: Oh, sure, and then you make scorpion diarrhea everywhere and the beautiful angels driving the car have to pull over and hose you off.
Steve: But you love it.
Zack: You're a bird.
Steve: A giant bird. And you can turn into a person.
Zack: Right, but turning into the giant bird would be such a great way to show you're pissed off. It's the ultimate door slam.
Zack: "Brian, you spend too much money on your seed bells!"
Zack: "We are NOT having this fight again, Nancy!"
Zack: "Well we have to because I can't pay the monthly bill on that giant mirror you had me rent because you keep buying more seed bells we don't need!"
Zack: *glares, turns into a giant robin.*
Steve: I am literally a parrot head.
Zack: Wasting away in the war-torn horror of Margaritaville.
Steve: A party of nothing but people with bird heads could be amazing.
Zack: Be wary. That way lies Fur Affinity.
Steve: "I have seen things that you wouldn't believe."
Steve: "Let me show you in movie form on that wall over there."
Zack: "Sorry, no audio, but I can play the ragtime piano while you watch."
Steve: Metal head and camera eyes frankly seem a little lame when you can turn your memories into a movie.
Zack: Yeah, but it's a lame movie. One camera, POV shoot unless you pay extra for camera and helicopter shots.
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.