Jeff K.'s weekly column, appropriately entitled "Ask Jeff K.", deals with all the issues that affect all hardcore gamers and l33t haX0rs out there. If you have a question you'd like to ask, feel free to mail it in. Every letter printed here is in fact real and has actually been sent to Jeff; not a single email has been fabricated or created by the staff.
Let me repeat that again for the sake of emphasis: All of these emails have really been submitted to Jeff K. by real people and have NOT been made up or forged in any way.
HELLO AGAINE!!!! my siet si now on EFONT Network witch means that I dont know what it means but I am told i am PRIZE CRAZZEY from teh popups ads all teh time! THATS SOEM SHIT becuase I am not Prize Crazzey and I dont want too buys a free Toyata Car or anything becuase I want a Razor Scootar for Cristmas! Jerry has one and he falls off it all teh tiem, I call him "Fagot on Wheels".
BUT since I am on EFONT NETWORK now, I am on teh same network as Penny Arcade and that means I haev too do crost promotianal stuff so maeybe I can giev those Pennty Arcake salesmans more hits since I am MASTAR KING OF INTARNET!!! That means I will maeks a comic for teh EFONT Network and it will be betar than Penny Arcake and it will be called "BETTAR THAN PENNY ARCADE!!!" here are soem of teh drawrings I made in geography class when my teachar Garry wasent looking.
CLICK HEAR TOO SEES MY NEW "BETTAR THAN PENNEY ARCADE" CARTOON>>> and now back too my fabulos colamn for yuo too reads/.
From: David Andrews
Subject: Your a dick (how's that for a subject line?)
"PROFESIAONALLY COMPOSE EMALES liek me" Freak... Are you for real? I almost laughed at your sight... no wait... it was another sight. I wrote that initial e-mail when slightly under the influence, and apologize for any insult it may have given you... but... no... wait. I don't feel bad about it. Because your a dick.
1. We do not speak "AMERICAN" it's known to the rest of the world as English. Your illiterate grasp of it disturbs me. You might want to start with the small words like loser.
2. Please don't rehash your sexual preferences for me. I'm sure Al will be just fine with you as his only bitch. "Fat head" is inappropriate name calling and your sight still sucks.
Get a life geek... this one isn't working for you.
OH NO more insults againe from MEANE PEOPAL on my high qualiety websight becuase jealosy runs rampant through teh loins of the ROTTEN JERKS liek DAVID ANDREWS! i am sorrey yuo canot be as popular and smartey as me and instead yuo write mean emales too peopal becuase yuor too dumb to maek a siet on Geocitys dedicated to yuor idieot dog Mr. Fluffer and his INCREDABLE ADVENTURES but maeybe one day yuo may get a IQ implant and perhaps soem anti-fagot shoes too helps yuo out.
yuor emale was more stuped than Jerrys emale asking me too stop makeing fun of his fat mom becuase his moms so fat that JERRYS MOM IS SO FAT THAT IT TAKES HER AN HOUR TOO WATCHES "60 MINUTES"!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHa I heard that joek on BET witch is teh telvision statian that maeks fun of Jerry becuase he si WHITE AND NOT VARY HIP HOP AT ALL!!
furthermore David Andrews is a clownboat#
What if you were a cop and the Skittle was mentally disturbed and wanted to be eaten?
DOPPELGANGER NEEDED - To minimize stress to my dog, I'm looking for somebody who is identical to me to take over ownership. Must also be able to fool my wife. Call to set up interview. 555-8252
I'll never forgive these giant alien insects! I'm trying!
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.