When he uses an ellipsis it makes it sound so much more threatening and serious.

Hell yeah!

Every time someone tells me I stink on the computer it hurts so deeply.

There are probably girls out there that would love to share in Jonathan's love for food, anime, and video game music, but I'll bet you that not one of them weighs less than 250.

I'm surprised that there's no mention of a cure for psoriasis in here somewhere.

"If life was actually anime we wouldn't be having this discussion!"

Look in your heart, you already know the answer.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.