Der Metzgermeister

"Skyscrapers killed the dinosaurs."

To this day I have no idea what possessed my first grade teacher to tell us this.


One kid said his project question was "How do you exercise?". He turned in a photocopied exercise pamphlet that his dad got from the doctor after a back injury. All the kid did was put his name at the top.


I overheard this in my graduate statistics class. Let me reiterate that this is graduate school here:

The teacher writes an equation on the board. Dumbfuck girl raises her hand and says, "Maybe this is a dumb question, but, what are all those letters doin' next to all those numbers?".


Came across this beauty while finishing up my last batch of final exams to grade:

"Literature as a criticism of political or social ideologies dates back before people were even writing things down."

I had so much fun with this article that it makes me want to give up my prolific career in low-level retail and go back to school! Thanks to all of the forum goons for contributing this week. Your contact details have been passed onto a national database of bullies, so expect the 350lbs football player you laughed at, who thought that the capital of Germany was Hitlertown, to track you down very soon. Next week's Goldmine will be Christmas-related, so it's your duty as a proud Christian solider to keep all Jews away from this website next Tuesday.

– Craig "Russ" Russell

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2021 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful