Make fireworks illegal, they rile my cows!
Gluing my arms together while I'm sleeping is a crime!
If you are getting fat, quit it!
The security guard should not yell at me when I get lost in the mall!
Make birds not chase me!
It's too damn hot!
This Week on Something Awful...
BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Mike's Teen News 2014
Today's viral teen news beat, brought to you by Mike from the Internet!
Realistic Expectations For This Year's Biggest Games
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Funny Things to Say to a Guy Drinking out of a Sports-Style Bottle!
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
About This Column
There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.
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