Make fireworks illegal, they rile my cows!
Gluing my arms together while I'm sleeping is a crime!
If you are getting fat, quit it!
The security guard should not yell at me when I get lost in the mall!
Make birds not chase me!
It's too damn hot!
This Week on Something Awful...
How Will Children Understand WWII Without America's Hitler Statues?
Trying to change history is a terrible mistake. Tearing down all of America's Hitler statues has left us confused about our nation's proud past.
The Deadliest Snake In The Wild West
Ask any cowboy and they'll tell you: The deadliest snake in the wild west is Lava-Filled Hole Shaped Exactly Like A Cowboy Silhouette
![Lightening Up History [With FaceApp]!](http://i.somethingawful.com/sasbi/promo/1ac4dbd8/3735534b/cebc28c8/45dafccd/14846t.jpg)
A Guide to Understanding Ben Garrison's Political Cartoons
Ben Garrison's Cartoons are finally explained!
Not Being Scared By A Person With A Chainsaw!
me, getting my arm hacked off: you moron. chainsaws arent even used in hockey
About This Column
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