Putting a computer together is easier and more fun than you might think. It's sort of like building a LEGO set. It also costs about as much as a LEGO set.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
In Tyranny the bad guys have won and you're basically Judge Dredd. Okay, so there aren't any perma-frowns in the character creation menu. And you don't come across any rad reflective visor helmets with garish color schemes. Still, fantasy Judge Dredd.
Wow, so many drink shops to choose from!
After checking in on Star Citizen we weigh the relative values of Laundry Day Goku and Large Beef Man on Motorcycle.
In any given day you are required to think about several things, if not dozens of things. How can that happen when every synapse is dedicated to processing the reality of our garbage world again and again, as if running it all through your mental calculator will uncover a different result?
My clothes surround my body. A bright yellow jacket of flexible plastic surrounds my layers of clothing. The areas of my skin covered by clothing and jacket are as they always are, more or less. My hands are exposed. My neck, face, and head are exposed. I feel water and wind upon all of this skin.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
These are flying insects?! Why is this happening?! Did you tell your wife?!
One morning a widening pool of gasoline formed beneath an old car in the parking lot. My manager urged me to grab a bag of cat litter to contain the leak and minimize the chance of a fire. I sprinted away, then turned back and - in a moment of absolute sincerity - asked him which brand.
The most revolutionary item of gamer clothing since No Man's Tie, maybe even since Sunset Overalls.
Thought what fell on us was pizza / But it was ooze saying nice to meet ya
In Quadrilateral Cowboy: My body is a box. In reality: My body is a roughly human-shaped source of shame.
Thursday: Shirtless yelling. "CASEY!" Ten seconds pass. "CASEY!" Is Casey a child? An animal? A playful spirit taunting a drunk buffoon? "CASEY!"
Ten years ago I buried a capsule in my E3 hole. It's a good hole. The capsule contained two items: My predictions for E3 2016 inked upon a weathered scroll, and an iPod Mini with just one song on its drive, Ignition (remix).
As I'm out and about, the first thing people notice when they glance my way is the enormous four ton weight atop my broken body. I get it. We are, by our very nature, superficial creatures.
Today I look at Descent, the new app that makes it better, and expansions like Mists of Bilehall, Labyrinth of Ruin, Lair of Vomitgulp, Manor of Dryheave, and Shadow of the Lair of Ruined Barfberg.
This collection of sponsored links is presented by the Feather Wallpaper Council.
(In a business suit, with slicked back hair, speaking into a gold-plated pager) Buy!
Hi guys. Uh. CoolSubBoxOpener here with, uh, a whopper of a video. Today the postman *pause* arrived with a whole bunch of boxes. Like half of my box subscriptions came in all at once today. Uh. So let's get to it!
Do you wish to know what computers will be doing in the year to come? With a sigh I shall exert the minimal effort it takes to reveal all. Feel free to print out these predictions and share them with your friends via fax.
The game's not quite what I imagined. Instead of scouring a dungeon by torchlight, you briskly jog through it, your party members politely nodding as they power walk in the opposite direction.
As always, the bosses in the latest Dark Souls are noble, tragic, and feature glowing double damage weak points.
Turning a public domain character into a boob comic seems like a great plan. You don't have to come up with your own ideas or license someone else's. Potential readers see the book and think, "Hey, I've heard of that character, and I've also heard of breasts/guns/steampunk."
Make a robot. Name him Robot. Robot is male because when you start a character it defaults to male, and clicking a button to choose another gender is a waste of valuable seconds.
Have you staked your reputation on owning the entire Youngblood comic book trading card set from 1992? That might have been a mistake. After all, most collectors don't know about some of these extremely rare cards. Better run your collection past this checklist.
What if you had a chance to interview some of gaming's most prominent figures, but could only ask each of them one question? You'd make that question a good question? Oh. Huh. Sort of wish I'd thought of that.
Look, frightened villagers, I'd really love to save you from these rampaging bandits. The thing is, I want to take my time and see if I can't find a magic crossbow or a gloriously armored standard bearer in your cupboard.
No one seems to like the new Doom box art. But it's still the same old Doom Guy under that space marine helmet. Right?
As you know, we're continually changing Something Awful to be on the cutting edge of exactly what the internet wants. "Relevance and clicks", that's our motto. Please tell us what to do next by taking a few minutes to fill out this brief reader survey.
Give the wood plank to the ogre twin on the left. He will comment, "I cannot do anything with that item". Repeat this process. On the thirtieth attempt, he will cast a magic spell on the plank, turning it into the red keycard.
What is a CD-ROM? A platter that fits in the palm of your hand, made of space age polymers and reflective aluminum so thin you could lay it on a sheet of paper then lay another sheet of paper on top of it.
Nice dress. What is this, a dress convention? Idiot.