I assume that our entire audience is currently installing 2007's Lord of the Rings Online for the first time. These are the buttons you should press to win!
Say good riddance to 2016 and hello to an even worse 2017 with one last batch of sponsored links - custom tailored for our readers' interests!
Is there mode to look at models closer? Much closer?
My dad was the Thegn and now he's very much dead. You know what that means - time for a Viking MAAAAKEOVER!
Putting a computer together is easier and more fun than you might think. It's sort of like building a LEGO set. It also costs about as much as a LEGO set.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
In Tyranny the bad guys have won and you're basically Judge Dredd. Okay, so there aren't any perma-frowns in the character creation menu. And you don't come across any rad reflective visor helmets with garish color schemes. Still, fantasy Judge Dredd.
Wow, so many drink shops to choose from!
Which was your favorite stand up special of 2016: "Trigger Warning: No Participation Trophies" or "Sheesh, When Did Everyone Get So Sensitive"?
After checking in on Star Citizen we weigh the relative values of Laundry Day Goku and Large Beef Man on Motorcycle.
In any given day you are required to think about several things, if not dozens of things. How can that happen when every synapse is dedicated to processing the reality of our garbage world again and again, as if running it all through your mental calculator will uncover a different result?
This is the first Dishonored 2 review on the internet. How do I know that? It's not out until Friday. Bethesda is no longer providing the press with review codes ahead of release. Heck, I don't even have the game.
People are always asking me to write more One Sentence Reviews. Well, here you are, and I hope you've read The Monkey's Paw.
One of the secondary characters in Twister is portrayed by eight actors. This role is Indecipherable Shouting Person, a mix of the chorus from Shakespearean plays and a hooting idiot.
Oh, you idiot. Don't do this. It's the worst idea anyone has ever had. Have you forgotten what an ordeal it was the last time you moved?
My clothes surround my body. A bright yellow jacket of flexible plastic surrounds my layers of clothing. The areas of my skin covered by clothing and jacket are as they always are, more or less. My hands are exposed. My neck, face, and head are exposed. I feel water and wind upon all of this skin.
When your character slows down and puts his finger to his ear during a conversation with someone on comms, you can feel an enormous coarse finger clumsily brushing against your actual ear.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
These are flying insects?! Why is this happening?! Did you tell your wife?!
One morning a widening pool of gasoline formed beneath an old car in the parking lot. My manager urged me to grab a bag of cat litter to contain the leak and minimize the chance of a fire. I sprinted away, then turned back and - in a moment of absolute sincerity - asked him which brand.
hey im making this thread to see if anyone would be interested in a thread about some weird things i found in a smoldering crater upon the hillside. the first thing is the book of infinite knowledge.
I bought all the ships from Star Wars Armada. It's... a lot of ships. This is my attempt to make sense of my actions.
Me? I'm just a regular American man. I like to put in a full day of hard work in the Sisyphus Pod, pushing that ol' virtual boulder up the sloping sides of the grid bowl only for it to tumble down again.
You Won't Believe How Every MRI Technician Will Soon Be Replaced By Nine Dogs! Your Jaw Will Drop!
The most revolutionary item of gamer clothing since No Man's Tie, maybe even since Sunset Overalls.
Thought what fell on us was pizza / But it was ooze saying nice to meet ya
In Quadrilateral Cowboy: My body is a box. In reality: My body is a roughly human-shaped source of shame.
Should you buy the most hyped game of the year? Our good friends at Hello Games – who definitely replied to my emails – created this review using No Man’s Sky’s actual procedural generation algorithm.
I'm in here and I'm not coming out. I'm not leaving here ever again.
Thursday: Shirtless yelling. "CASEY!" Ten seconds pass. "CASEY!" Is Casey a child? An animal? A playful spirit taunting a drunk buffoon? "CASEY!"
Stop the politically correct censoring and put naked ladies back in all the games. Even Excitebike. Especially Excitebike.
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
On Children of Men: "I did not see it. However, I have seen the thirty thousand tubs of Sour Patch Kids that it paid for. They are... sour."
You just finished Super Mario Bros. on the NES. You loved it, and are on the lookout for similar games. Luckily for you, we've scoured every known database of video games for other titles you might enjoy.
Millions of people are wandering around paying more attention to the Pokemon on their phones than their surroundings. I am the very first person in the world to suggest that this blending of reality and fantasy in Pokemon Go will lead to disaster.
Hot new gadget promises to make getting milk into a glass 8x more complicated than pouring!
New Star Trek Actor Anton Yelchin Dies At 27 (Game of Thrones Spoilers Within)
I know these angles are wrong, but they feel so right.
Beautiful, extra-durable new exterior. Blow on it all you want, it probably won't dent!
Ten years ago I buried a capsule in my E3 hole. It's a good hole. The capsule contained two items: My predictions for E3 2016 inked upon a weathered scroll, and an iPod Mini with just one song on its drive, Ignition (remix).
As I'm out and about, the first thing people notice when they glance my way is the enormous four ton weight atop my broken body. I get it. We are, by our very nature, superficial creatures.
Today I look at Descent, the new app that makes it better, and expansions like Mists of Bilehall, Labyrinth of Ruin, Lair of Vomitgulp, Manor of Dryheave, and Shadow of the Lair of Ruined Barfberg.
This collection of sponsored links is presented by the Feather Wallpaper Council.
Overwatch is Blizzard's hugely successful new shooter with ten thousand characters and a hundred thousand skill icons. We'll show you what the buttons mean.
(In a business suit, with slicked back hair, speaking into a gold-plated pager) Buy!
Hi guys. Uh. CoolSubBoxOpener here with, uh, a whopper of a video. Today the postman *pause* arrived with a whole bunch of boxes. Like half of my box subscriptions came in all at once today. Uh. So let's get to it!
Let's celebrate some scenes that are unforgettable, mainly because they show up in every single comedy.
Black Desert Online is a Korean MMO with a cash shop for pretty virtual outfits. Chess is the world's most popular strategy game, played with a physical board and pieces. But the similarities end there.
Do you wish to know what computers will be doing in the year to come? With a sigh I shall exert the minimal effort it takes to reveal all. Feel free to print out these predictions and share them with your friends via fax.
How do employees stay safe at Alien Goop Storage Facility, The House of Unstable Floors and Vases Containing Fireballs, and (INARTICULATE PANICKED SCREAM)?
The game's not quite what I imagined. Instead of scouring a dungeon by torchlight, you briskly jog through it, your party members politely nodding as they power walk in the opposite direction.
After years of thorough testing, we're finally prepared to hand out our verdicts. Should you buy a Voodoo 2 video card, a Sound Blaster, and a Logitech Mouseman? Read on to find out.
I blink out of existence. Vanish like I was never there. My caddie does not react to this development. In the place where I stood mere moments ago, a fox appears. Again, no reaction from the caddie. The man's a professional through and through.
As always, the bosses in the latest Dark Souls are noble, tragic, and feature glowing double damage weak points.
Turning a public domain character into a boob comic seems like a great plan. You don't have to come up with your own ideas or license someone else's. Potential readers see the book and think, "Hey, I've heard of that character, and I've also heard of breasts/guns/steampunk."
Make a robot. Name him Robot. Robot is male because when you start a character it defaults to male, and clicking a button to choose another gender is a waste of valuable seconds.
Here's everything I know about Lovecraft: Tentacles. Racism. Paying an unfair price for uncovering dark ancient things that shouldn't be seen with human eyes, much like stumbling across SomethingAwful.com.
Have you staked your reputation on owning the entire Youngblood comic book trading card set from 1992? That might have been a mistake. After all, most collectors don't know about some of these extremely rare cards. Better run your collection past this checklist.
What if you had a chance to interview some of gaming's most prominent figures, but could only ask each of them one question? You'd make that question a good question? Oh. Huh. Sort of wish I'd thought of that.
I welcome a cleansing rain of nuclear death. As an American, I know that the only survivors of such an attack will be myself and precisely enough attractive female celebrities to represent every hair color and ethnicity without overlap.
Try not to use any letters that you made up. Unless you get really lucky, they won't be on your keyboard.
Look, frightened villagers, I'd really love to save you from these rampaging bandits. The thing is, I want to take my time and see if I can't find a magic crossbow or a gloriously armored standard bearer in your cupboard.
A selection of real movies one might enjoy, such as: The Nickname "Professor Masturbation" Has Followed Me All The Way Through Grade School
You won't believe which part of the picture is inside the red circle and which part is outside.
Firewatch has exploration and all sorts of items to interact with, but it's not an open world or survival game. Traversal and Metroid-like map progression are prominent, but you're a chubby guy pushing 40 who grunts while stepping over a log.
No one seems to like the new Doom box art. But it's still the same old Doom Guy under that space marine helmet. Right?
As you know, we're continually changing Something Awful to be on the cutting edge of exactly what the internet wants. "Relevance and clicks", that's our motto. Please tell us what to do next by taking a few minutes to fill out this brief reader survey.
Give the wood plank to the ogre twin on the left. He will comment, "I cannot do anything with that item". Repeat this process. On the thirtieth attempt, he will cast a magic spell on the plank, turning it into the red keycard.
If you thought "Here's what it would look like if Brady and Manning switched teams" was mind-blowing, wait until you see this garbage.
What is a CD-ROM? A platter that fits in the palm of your hand, made of space age polymers and reflective aluminum so thin you could lay it on a sheet of paper then lay another sheet of paper on top of it.
Today I'm looking at Arcadia Quest. It takes place in a fantasy world where screaming humans ruined everything. Not sure where the fantasy element of that premise comes into play, but there you go.
Nice dress. What is this, a dress convention? Idiot.
In the finale of the second season, Dexter finds out there will be several more seasons. (See also: Sons of Anarchy)
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