Into the Breach. That's the game of the year. Obviously. This concludes the Game of the Year Awards. Thank you for your time.
Canadian Santa Claus covets the goblet, and the power within.
It all began in World War 2. Earth's surface was still cooling off. Magma was becoming rock. The planet was looking for a way to make a name for itself. On the big stage. To become known internationally.
If you could solve every problem in life by picking up coins and throwing them at strangers, I wouldn't be in jail at this very moment for throwing coins at strangers from the roof of an Outback Steak House
"WAO~" says someone in the audience, amazed by a simple layup. It's the thing that Americans yell when they yell, which is all the time.
You gave yourself that bad haircut years ago. You're a smarter person now. More well-rounded as a human. This time you'll probably be able to cut your hair like a champ. This is a terrific idea!
Forgive me, Sid Meier, for I have sinned. I have never finished a 3D Zelda game.
Wondering what Psycho would look like if the Detective Pikachu team made it? Well now you have the answer, so that should free up eight hours of your day.
This space-age device is a cardboard box with two holes in it. The operative sticks a hand in one end. The contact inserts a hand in the other end. With both hands shielded from prying eyes, a secret handshake can commence.
For years I daydreamed about owning a Neo Geo of my own. Unfortunately the $600 console and $200 carts were slightly beyond my budget of zero dollars.
I'm ruined. Every dream in my life has been dashed. Fantastic product! Would buy again!
Item #1: Are you some kinda minority or somethin'?
We look forward to seeing you in the game. Maybe one of you can tell us how to change the title screen logo from Gamebryo to Fallout 76.
You've seen all ten episodes of Mike Flanagan's spooky show, but have you spotted the spirits tucked away in the background? These ghosts were hidden so well most people never saw them.
Every accident will happen on a carpet or a rug 100% of the time. Even if 80% of your floors are tile. Even if 100% of your floors are tile, and you own no rugs.
It only looks weird when you're running through vegetation. Did I mention that about two thirds of Assassin's Creed Odyssey is spent running through vegetation?
Urine? Or perhaps an abundance of crotch sweat? Either way, it's a good thing you're in a karate class. This is the ideal place to covertly get some airflow down there, speeding up the evaporation process by as much as 4%.
Industry veteran with nineteen years of experience jumping in front of zapper-wielding clients during intense shootouts, shouting phrases like "Don't shoot!" as they reflexively blast me.
Reinstall the original Better Bodies mod to counteract the Far Worse Bodies mod, making all bodies an ideal 80% worse rather than 100% worse
Your social security card is legal tender worth $10, and the comic book store MUST accept it
"Captain, this is no cave... it's an ancient space vessel! It belonged to a long lost race called the Precursors. They lived tens of billions of years ago, had technology far more advanced than ours, and suddenly disappeared."
I'm being destroyed by a situation beyond my control! My wife has been very supportive but I can tell that this has shaken her to her core!
You want to pay a reasonable fee for access to every movie or tv show you could think of. You get a hundred services with a hundred uniquely clunky apps, and libraries that fluctuate more than a fluctuation machine.
I recently rewatched the entire series, and you know what? Some of those deaths were far more cruel and graphic than I remembered. For my money, these were the most brutal ways a human met their end on screen.
Tweaked the difficulty of Spider-Man's final boss fight, in which he faces off with The Puddler
Sure, the place was poorly lit and hadn't been dusted since, well ever, but there were some great photographs of me. They were unexpected, and added a certain charm that couldn't be denied.
"For a minute there I lost my elf. I lost my elf."
After ten years away (How is that possible???) I've come back for the launch of Battle for Azeroth. There's an overwhelmingly positive buzz surrounding the expansion, and it seems like a good excuse to see how much the game has changed in the last decade.
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Chess Rules section 2: Inventory Management. Depending on your Rook's Handling stat and the number of pawns remaining in your force, your inventory grid can have anywhere from sixteen to two hundred and forty slots. Always consider the weight of stored objects, as
Bonk: Two Bonks - Me Bonking You, And You Bonking The Floor
God Friended Me is an actual television show about God friending a foolish atheist (presumably named Me) on social media. It's such a surefire hit that there are already spinoffs in production, like God Hit My Parked Car With His Car Then Left Me A Passive-Aggressive Apology Note.
I had something else planned for today, but then I found out about the Japanese "This Is Cool" model of the Sega Saturn.
It's been nearly two months since our last round of One Sentence Reviews, hasn't it? And since I finally picked up an SNES Classic, why not rate every game on the system while I'm at it? Don't you love it when three rhetorical questions come together?
"Okay, elite security team! We're going to sweep the area and clear out every last robot! (Two seconds later) Oh no we're all dead."
It needs to consume human tissue! It needs to speak to your manager!
Soul Wars is a massive box containing everything you need to start playing Warhammer Age of Sigmar, aside from free time. Well, I haven't checked every compartment. A packet of free time might be tucked away in there.
For the last three months my primary computer has been a MacBook Air running the latest version of OS X, probably named after a mountain or a bear or the hand claps and chants from a modern rock song.
It can't be stopped! It can't be reasoned with! It can't be compelled to testify against its spouse!
Reason 1: Nintendo hasn't been able to find a manufacturing partner that can reliably mass-produce tens of thousands of terrible controllers with broken c-sticks.
This is a campaign to provide Disney a chance to course correct with the Star Wars motion simulator franchise. The fans are completely divided and the core goal of the Star Tours travel agency has been abandoned.
Following America's defeat in World War 3, allied forces uncovered a number of experimental weapon prototypes in the hotel-compound of Trump's loyalist Space Force army. Had the war continued just a few more months, these secret weapons would have changed the course of the war.
According to The Division 2's creative director, the game is not political. Does The Last of Us 2 feature smooching? "No." Is there income inequality in Cyberpunk 2077? "Absolutely not."
Susan Kath of Bethesda Game Studios handed me a polka-dotted can of mixed peanuts. When I opened it, a number of paper snakes sprung out into my face.
Metal Nose With Handle - All the convenience of a nose, but now it's portable!
When you die your skin no longer turns to beef jerky. Now your hollowed flesh grows increasingly supple and sexy, with ultra realistic pores, TressFX body hair, and sweat tech that puts the latest NBA game to shame.
While designing this space, I imagined David Fincher being forced to recreate the music video for Nine Inch Nails' Closer in a haunted gas station bathroom.
This local car commercial has ruined my entire brain. Now it's your turn.
Qualifications: Industry veteran with twenty eight years of experience delivering fist-and-foot-based content to a variety of high profile clients.
Gervais sauntered into an English class wearing a pair of shades. He asked whether "couldn't care less" or "could care less" best demonstrated how little he cared about people offended by his comedy, then flipped both middle fingers and left before the professor could answer.
The first thing you learn as a Ghost Hunter: You can't kill a ghost with a traditional bow and arrow. You've got to dip the arrowheads in poison.
The patient, callsign "Dekker", was admitted to the infirmary after shooting at an enemy turret power generator from point blank range. All four of his attacks missed. Dekker, caught up in the excitement, passed out from overstimulation.
Scan the room for a reporter with an obvious physical handicap. Gleefully contort your body to mock them like you're the absolute worst five year old on the planet. Hey, you're just telling it like it is!
It's time to get a new TV. Your old one was made like two years ago, and so much has changed. You might as well be looking at a dinosaur's butthole. Why would you keep doing that, when you could be looking at a robot's butthole?
After three days I pretty much know everything about game development. Admittedly I may have to learn what it's like to win a lifetime achievement award, but that will come next year.
"God of War is the realization of our collective hopes and dreams, not just as gamers, but as gamer-citizens."
It's nearly been a year since we last checked in on the internet's most terrible ads. What changed? Not much.
Sea of Thieves: Reduced the variety of enemy types from skeletons, snakes, sharks, and non-functioning Kraken to [PLACEHOLDER UNTEXTURED CUBE]
Pinfalls have been changed from the standard 3 count to a far more dramatic 300 count. Several times per match, a pinned wrestler musters the strength to miraculously break free after the referee reaches 299.
I am absolutely thrilled that there is a theme park containing row upon row of customer feedback boxes, stretching out for acres in every direction. What a delight!
I'm making a choose-your-own-adventure comedy game about uninformed choices and unfair consequences. It's called Harm Other, and you can play the demo now.
Games Workshop is looking for samples from aspiring Warhammer authors. Since my biggest dream in life is to have a book published, I put together this submission. Fingers crossed!
INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - The personification of flopsweat, MR. FREEZE (Sean Bean) desperately tries to impress a group of experienced outlaws with cold-themed puns.
Before the noted terrible game Destiny 2, and even before Halo, Bungie made fantasy games about dwarfs exploding into gross bloody chunks on hills and bridges.
Are two squashed cafeteria rolls and a forlorn clump of grey meatfat biscotti on a sea of butcher paper really taking over the world?
In most games you'd hop into your mech and shoot the giant alien bugs until they fell over. Here, you turn Asshole Physics into an art form.
One month after the launch of Star Wars: Galaxies a scrawny Mon Calamari stands in an Imperial player-created city, hands at his sides and large vacant eyes also at his sides.
The guns are gone. Now what happens to all those paper targets? Don't tell me you forgot about the paper targets. The ones hanging from little clips on fancy clotheslines at shooting ranges. With no guns to destroy these legions of paper bastards, they go unchecked.
You have four supply, four lemonades, and four profits. You sell them all for two profits. That's pure profit.
The Quake 2 David Letterman skin remains my crowning achievement, a work of art as vital and compelling as it was the day that dave.pcx was uploaded.
Cardboard. Seems like an odd material to base a product around, right? You might think it's less durable than plastic, and you're absolutely right. Players won't be able to use Labo inside of a running industrial shredder, as that could potentially damage the cardboard.
Wacky video game logic: If you become injured, try to get healed as quickly as possible.
Where is the TomTom Navigator now? 40.7 Latitude, -74 Longitude
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
Before we get started you should know that I have never Dungeoned a Dragon or Findered a Path. As you read this review please keep in mind that Mouse Guard is my first pen & paper RPG and I am a colossal idiot.
As you may have heard on the news or from your town crier, all the computer chips stopped working. There was a flaw. It got in there at the very beginning of computers and as chips got faster and smaller the flaw became more powerful and harder to see.
If global warming is real, why does the Hoth sequence of Empire Strikes Back look exactly the same as it did when the movie first came out?
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