Just a little pregnant ghost for ya
TONIGHT'S EPISODE: The Real Victim Here Is Cops
A muscle cyborg was bunny-hopping sideways near some lava and grunting. I had a super shotgun in my hands. I will never forgive myself for what transpired next.
Presenting the game of the year, according to me. But what if you, the person reading this, are one of those people who aren't me? As it happens, I prepared for such an unlikely scenario.
Thanks to its hugely successful Kickstarter, Mystery Science Theater 3000 is coming back in a big way, and the pool of talent working on the show keeps expanding. Here are some folks who joined the production in the five minutes that passed since you last checked.
If I can't believe every word on Apple's website, where the heck am I going to get my world news?
Fixed a major balance issue. On some maps, both the Rebels and Empire had an equal chance of winning.
This is not my jury summons!
Perfect Eggs Every Time: Hold an egg in your cupped hands. Put your hands over a fire, squeezing them together gently to crack the egg open. Try not to let any egg liquid or egg shell fall out between your fingers.
You're vaguely aware that some people have fun moving bits of cardboard and plastic around on a table. It sounds interesting, but, like all real world activities, it also sounds frightening.
I knew it was environmental storytelling because there was a skeleton next to a thing.
Your finger is on the table. It's usually on your hand.
For some reason nerds have been arguing about the Zelda timeline for something like a decade now, if not longer. I always thought the sequence of these games was incredibly obvious. To make sure I wasn't overlooking something obvious I contacted Nintendo, and they passed along this official informative graphic.
As Downton Abbey nears the conclusion of its sixth and final season, it's the perfect time to celebrate this landmark show. With so many characters and so many tremendous changes throughout the epic storyline spanning the years 1912- 1925, it's difficult to choose a handful of favorite moments, but I've done my best.
Welcome to Assassin's Creed: SUBTITLE. You are a snarky, flippant young person. Soon TRAGIC EVENT happens. Now you are a snarky, flippant young person with MOTIVATION. Here, take some wrist knives and this hood.
The Nintendo NX will play ALL video games released for the NX. This is exclusive information that we have independently verified with several sources close to the project.
Can you guess which video games these message board posts are talking about? Hover your mouse over each image to see if you're right. The posts are 100% real. The answers probably aren't.
The hardest part of finding a new dungeon master is wading through thousands of applications. Will this D&D group choose the drone pilot, professional athlete, skeleton warrior, or Wolf Blitzer?
There is no challenge in imagining how Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5 could have been better, so we try to figure out how it could have possibly been worse.
Is the world ready for Staind By Me, St@nd By e-Me, and Crank 3: Stand By Me?
Below you will find actual posts from video game message boards. Can you figure out which games they're talking about? Take a guess then hover your mouse over each post to see the correct answer. If you can't hover a mouse cursor over each post because you''re on a tablet or phone, eat a rotten butt.
I have never touched an Amiibo. The phrase "Toys To Life" only makes sense to me as a plot summary of Weird Science coming from someone with a severely limited vocabulary. Somehow I've completely missed out on this enormous trend of collecting figures to plop down and control in my video games.
You thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Bringing your porcelain pig to an Antiques Roadshow taping fifteen years ago. Peddling your deceit to the hosts and camera crew. You were good. But I'm better.
Every month the editors of Deathbed Testbed provide expert opinions on the hottest technology as they perish.
Buyer beware! If you're thinking about picking up the new Mad Max game to relive the experience of the motion picture Babe: Pig In The City, think twice. I was flabbergasted to discover that the video game and movie have practically nothing in common.
Back in the 1980s Bill Gates definitely said "No computer will ever need more than 640k of memory, which isn't a lot of memory at all but there you go". This statement has haunted Gates ever since.
He has unlocked the secrets of the universe and seen beyond the mortal plane, yet Doctor Strange can't believe how easy it is to eat an olive.
With so many stats, skills, and class combinations at your disposal it can be difficult to narrow things down. Why not go with one of these characters I've planned out for you?
Fear the Walking Dead features an entirely new cast of characters. These guys are corpses, but they move around and moan. It's ridiculous. Their flesh is all discolored and gross. They shamble towards living people and bite them. Who the heck thought of this nonsense?
A recent article laid out a disturbing pattern of employee cruelty and abuse at Amazon. For some reason my unequivocal denial, "That sure doesn't sound like the company I know... ha... ha..." wasn't clear enough. Well, today I'd like to correct that by addressing every specific charge in the article.
That's a lot of people. To give you a better idea of what that number means, 5.6 million people is at least 5.5 million more people than I will kiss in my lifetime. If you had 5.6 million boxes it would take forever to move into a new place.
The Gadsden flag is certainly striking and iconic, but most people have no idea that it was merely one part of a twelve-flag work of sequential art. If you want to understand the full scope of this historical artifact, you must see it in its original context.
When I try to clear the ball, run into me at a thousand miles per hour, sending me flying halfway across the map. If the ball is coming down in front of the opposing goal and I'm in position to tap it in, run into me at a thousand miles per hour. Never stop slamming into me at a thousand miles per hour, unless you can slam into me even faster.
The key to success is knowing what all your buttons do. Hit the good ones to win!
Step One: Salvage a ridiculous chair from a race car or a fighter jet. Now it will support your ridiculous body as you play a virtual card game.
The first dimension is paper, laid flat. No folds or creases. The second dimension is a stick figure drawn on the first dimension. The third dimension is everything that can be observed in our universe with a 3D tv. The fourth dimension is purely theoretical and located somewhere in either the space-time continuum or Canada.
A body lies in a warehouse storing skeletons, devil masks, broken dolls, Satanic pentagram stencils, inexpertly stuffed dead animals, out of tune music boxes, and flickering light bulbs. The corpse has been mangled, its intestines pulled out to spell "Spooky Force" on the ground.
The PC port of Arkham Knight is plagued by so many problems that it has actually been pulled from Steam, a storefront that as of 2015 almost exclusively exists to sell unfinished games.
In Deus Ex some people get implants to jump higher, punch through walls, or crawl through air ducts with superhuman finesse, while others use their augs to mindlessly walk back and forth along a set path in downtown Future Detroit without deviating or getting tired.
The Xbox One now has its own version of Early Access! Wow! Developers like DayZ's Dean Hall are very excited about the prospect of taking your money, then moving on to a second game before finishing the first.
Now Tablet Mode recognizes and responds to touchscreen inputs! From one finger only. And not the finger you're thinking of.
Hey. Hey. Hey. I call for a pick up. Hey. You hit the brakes on your jeep and back up. I don't move. Hey. Hey. I need a ride. Hey. Hey. You honk the horn. I don't move.
"Hello. I am a central character. Let me tell you about myself: I am doing fine. Well, that's all. Farewell."
Geralt breaks his ankles when he steps down from a height of more than three inches. If he were to hop over a waist-high fence his body would reach terminal velocity, exploding into paste and white stubble when it came into contact with the soft grass on the other side.
Now, inexplicably, season three is looming over us like some sort of dome. Season one's plot asked whether or not the town could get out from under the dome. Apparently the answer was "no". Season two asked "I guess we're really stuck, huh?" and the answer was "yup".
There's a Brainiac. He's not THE Brainiac. However, he's one aspect of Brainiac. Or maybe there's supposed to be a different Brainiac in every universe and they're all cosmically connected, presumably via their brains. Either way, I think this particular Brainiac is the boss Brainiac.
If you die, navigate to a save file and choose to load it. Voila! Now you're back in the game. This is known as Witcher magic, an innovative feature unique to the series.
Activision and developer Robomodo (creators of the critically acknowledged Tony Hawk Ride and Tony Hawk Shred as well as the technically functional Tony Hawk HD) are proud to announce Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5 for the PlayStation 4 and Xbox One.
In which we are introduced to several Chewbaccas, including You're About To Drink From The Exposed Inner Surface Of My Skull And I Couldn't Be Happier Chewbacca.
As the release of No Man's Sky inches closer, we still don't know much about what it actually is or how the player will interact with any of it. If these newly-leaked button layouts for the Playstation 4 version are any indication, the game might just be everything you wished for after all.
Want to take part in our much-publicized trade in program to swap an old tablet or video game for in-store credit? Great! We just need your license, home phone number, email address, work number, and your fingerprints. We might even take a mugshot of you.
6000 BG (before Goro): That techno Mortal Kombat song is released, creating a ripple effect throughout the multiverse.
When I begin a new RPG I like to take my sweet time absorbing the details. Every stat description is carefully read. "Ah, yes," I declare as I thoughtfully rub my chin, "it seems that having more Dexterity will allow me to swing an axe faster."
Sixth Sense - Quicktime Trailer Cracked to Show Full Movie This Is Very Real.qt
You ask how his day went and he responds, "Fine." Or, you ask what he's up to and he says, "Nothing."
This year's greatest achievement in groundbreaking RPG design and creative, absorbing storytelling is here! Unfortunately, the embargo on Pillars of Eternity coverage won't be lifted until Thursday.
Brock Lesnar was a successful UFC fighter, but a serious illness ate half his guts so he decided to retire from mixed martial arts and take things easy by slamming 300 pound men through tables. When he gets pumped up he does this victory/rage roar that sounds like a little baby bird bumping its knee on a tiny coffee table.
What If... the Red Skull became a master of disguise after discovering an alien artifact that allowed him to change the color of his skull at will?
There are now more companies making virtual reality kits than there are reasons to use virtual reality. It's time to narrow the field down and find the right kit for you.
The internet is such an integral part of our lives that we often overlook how shitty and dull it is. We keep coming back for a high that's never there, a potential that remains unfulfilled. So it's up to us to find pleasure in the small things.
Emma Stone was the most paranoid person I had ever met. In private she wore a full suit of medieval armor at all times, visor down.
Combat is relatively straightforward. You target an enemy. You wait for your men to get a targeting solution. You tell them to fire. You slam the boat into reverse and repeat your curse word of choice, realizing you've just shot a living iceberg that is going to eat you.
To start the windshield wipers I bet you have to put two fingers against the glass and swipe. This is a reference to touchscreens.
What critics are saying as they press their wobbly newborn heads through the shells of their rectangular wooden eggs and squint up at the complex's halogen lights: "Unforgettable! A classic!"
How will the sixteen hours of motion captured sex present themselves in The Witcher 3? Why did it take Eurogamer so long to see the light and ditch their scoring method and swipe our One Sentence Reviews?
A familiar silhouette steps into the outline of a too-large moon. In his trademark raspy growl, Link mutters "Sometimes I don't even know what I'm fighting for."
Most people take a hands-on approach to their lives. I prefer to observe mine from a respectful distance. From this vantage point I've noticed some worrying behavior. This might shatter the mental image that you've built up, but I'm beginning to think I might be a big dumb idiot.
A new game has mixed or only slightly positive reviews, and as an idiot you feel personally invested in its success. You decide to convince other people on the internet to buy this game. Here's how you go about doing that.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
If you live in north America or Europe, the New Nintendo 3DS (not to be confused with the Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo 2DS, Nintendo 3DS U, or Nokia N-Gage) will not come with an AC adapter. I'm pretty sure that means you won't be able to charge the internal battery unless you rub the system against a power outlet for a few days and hope for the best.
Want to be the best Dota 2 player in your cult's compound? You need to be able to identify every skill with a quick glance. Here's your visual guide.
I heard you have a new baby at home. This must be such an exciting, emotional time for you. I have to ask, though, what is a baby?
Jupiter Ascending asks: What if one of the lesser Star Wars movies had the visual design of the Underworld series?
You can use abilities and skills to win a video game. I recommend it! Here's a handy visual guide to the skills in Dragon Age: Inquisition. Push the button that does them and you'll win faster.
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