my name is Cliff Yablonski. I have never met you before, but I hate you regardless. if I met you in public, I'd still hate you. I probably wouldn't hate you any more than how much I currently hate you, because I don't think that would be humanly possible. I would probably punch you in the face though. I hate everybody and everything I find on the Internet. my site and the "Law and Order" website are the only places worth visiting. Richard convinced me to make a site dedicated to all the people I know and hate, maybe so his stupid "Something Awful" website won't suck as much. even though my site is on "Something Awful", I still hate him and his website. I hate you too. if you have a picture you would like to send in, you can send it to me, but I'll still hate you and I don't think that will ever change no matter what you do. goodbye, scumbag.LATEST UPDATES:
05-16-2007 - IT'S BEEN OVER TWO YEARS BUT I'M BACK!!!! DONT ASK ME WHY I DIDN'T BOTHER UPDATING BECAUSE HERE'S YOUR ANSWER: GO TO HELL!!!!!!!
01-14-2003 - merry christmas, I have updated my computer screen in memory of Jesus and santa because it's the reason for the season you stupid pathetic interweb dicksponges. also maybe you missed the newsflash, but I want you all to stop sending me messages over the electronics and telling me to update because I value your opinion about as much as a heap of rotting pumpkin mix.
05-26-2003: some fucking shitmopped bilgecrapping asswitch decided to write shit on my computer page screen and I didn't fucking notice it until yesterday because I haven't used my Internet in a few months because I have a goddamn life and it does not revolve around posting pictures of ugly slophogs on the Interweb computer page screen site. so fuck him and fuck you and all of you can collectively jump into a pile of sewage and used motel mattresses because your head isn't worth the weight of gold in your goddamn eyes, fishsimps. oh yeah, I updated with four new pages as well.
02-17-2003:WELL WELL WELL, IT SEEMS AS IF A CERTAIN SMARYTY MAN DID NOT PROTECT HIS COMPUTAR MACHENE FROMA CLEVAR HACX0R,ADN NOW SI PLAYING TEH PRICE!!!HELO MY NAEM SI JEFF K. AND YUO MAY REMAMABAR ME AS A INTARNET CELEBRIDY BECUASE MY AWARD WINNIING WEDBSITE HAS WONMANEY AWARDS FOR QUALIETY IN A FIELD OF EXAMPLES!
I GOT TIRED OF WRITEING FOR MY WEBPAEG SO NOW I HACKED INTO THIS WEBSITE AND DECIDED TO WRITE HEAR BECAUSE I AM A RENISANCE MAN!!!
01-13-2003: Merry christmas. Or Easter or whatever, who fucking cares, I updated my interweb net computer screen page, so maybe you drooling jizzbags will shut the fuck up for a few minutes and stop begging me to add more pictures so you can easily identify your family members.
11-25-2002: Merry christmas. I mean thanksgiving. whatever, I fucking hate the holidays slightly more than I hate you. but since I'm one hell of a guy, I decided to update my computer screen page with four pages of people who really pissed me off in some way or another. dont expect me to update again anytime soon because I'm getting a bottle of whiskey and hibernating in my toolshed (I'm about to finish building it once and for all). I figure that thing will be operational at the end of this week, I just need to figure out where all that methane gas is coming from inside of it.
11-04-2002:i have decided to update my high quality Interweb screen sight because I went onto this Interweb the other day and realized everything else was just shitty as hell and this websight is the only good thing here in the entire universe, so I updated it with five pages of you mouthbreeding shitflingers that I really want to bash apart in the middle of traffic. so read it and weep, all you fat computer machine nerds out there working for Windows Inc. or IBM.
10-07-2002: SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! in case you suck breeding simps can't figure out the obvious, I've been stuck in the Appleton City Correctional Institue for the past month or so because of my dipshit brother (see below this word) and that fucking filthy mange cat. so now you know why I haven't updated and I hope you're just absolutely enlightened with this news because Lord knows I loved telling it to you.
ALSO I have lost all my pictures of people I hate because the cops took my computer machine and now all I've got is the Police File on me to go by so if any of you worthless retards out there have any photos of people I beat the shit out of, SEND THEM TO ME NOW or else I'll break into your outhouse and dig up your mother's corpse and fill it full of explosives because your whole family is so goddamn worthless that your corpses wouldn't even make decent doorstops.
08-26-2002:HELLO COMPUTER SCREEN, THIS IS CLIFF'S BROTHER ENOCH,
THAT LITTLE PUSSY CLIFF IS OUT WATERING HIS PETUNIAS OR WHATEVER THE HELL HE'S DOING, SO I'M UPDATING HIS WEBSCREEN ON THIS COMPUTER INTERCYBERSPACE SCREEN, I DONT KNOW DICK ABOUT THIS SHIT AND I DONT EVEN HAVE AN AMAIL NUMBER YOU CAN CALL TO SEND ME PICTURES OF YOUR MOTHER NAKED WITH YOUR FAMILY DOG, BUT FORTUNATELY I DON'T GIVE A DAMN AND YOU ALL CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL IF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, I'M TIRED AND I DON'T NEED THIS KIND OF SHIT SO I'M GOING TO MAKE SOME WEBSCREEN PAGES AND PUT THEM HERE AS I GO ALONG, HERE YOU GO
08-12-2002: "Oh waaahhhh Cliff, update your computer screen, wahhhh, I have nothing else in my life except to whine about wanting to see photos of ugly trolls, wahhhh." You people make me sick, sometimes I forget to update my computer screen Interweb and you little shitballs send me all your pathetic computer messages bitching and whining like the little gremlins you are. Listen up here and listen good: I HATE YOU ALL AND I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU WANT ME TO UPDATE OR NOT, JUST DONT SEND ME BITCHY MESSAGES OR ELSE I'LL SHOVE MY BOOT UP YOUR ASS. LAW AND ORDER IS ON NOW AND ALL MY WORDS ARE IN UPPERCASE AND I'M NOT SURE WHY THAT HAPPENED BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
06-17-2002: STOP SENDING ME COMPUTER SCREEN MESSAGES
06-10-2002: all you flaming pussworms need to shove a flaming barrel of garbage into your gaping maws and stop sending me electronic message mails onto my computer screen because I'm sick as hell of you gasbag cretins begging me to update my computer machine screen. I update it every two goddamn weeks and if you illiterate scumhogs are too dumb to read that then maybe you should go back to digging clams out of your mom's vagina. I didn't fight in World War I against the Nazis just so you little punks could moan "oh wah Cliff, please update your computer screen, I have nothing else to do but bang my misshapen head against a millstone" so shut the fuck up and turn off your computer screens.
05-27-2002: I am the only good man on this Interweb because all the rest of you are shithouse rat-molesting worthless dregs who have nothing better to do than email me and whine about me updating my high quality web screen computer. and I have updated today just like I said I would at that stupid Patterson family party I was at, the one where the chandelier fell down because I shot it with my shotgun. so go take a flying fuck up your mom's birth canal because I hate you just as much as I hate the worthless trashheaps on the three pages of computer screens that I updated. PS: DIE
05-13-2002: Since you whiny little gutterslugs have nothing else to look forward to in your pointless and stupid lives, I have decided to update again because this site is the only decent thing on the entire Interweb electronic computer center thing thanks to the Law and Order website getting some new writer guy who doesnt know shit. I want his home address so I can send him a dead dog with the words "YOU" taped to its face. if you know his address then send it to me and I'll let you live a little bit longer. also shut up
05-06-2002: Hey look, I updated my fancy electronic screen page once again, exactly on time, two weeks after my previous update. And if you've got a goddamn problem with doing your math or something then I suggest you crunch some numbers on your computer machine and then throw yourself into a poison ditch because you're a pathetic shitwich who should be shot in the face with a exploding bullet gun.
03-04-2002: I HAVE UPDATED MY COMPUTER SCREEN PAGE so maybe you worthless toenail fuckers will shut up and stop sending me messages on my computer to my computer because I'm sick as all fuck of having to put up with you stupid shits and I'm not here to entertain you, I'm hear to tell you in detail how much I want to rip out your guts and shove them down your throat and then rip them out again and throw them into the highway so I can drive over them with my car.
01-25-2002: STOP E-MAILING ME YOU WORTHLESS HUMPHATS! Maybe this update to my page, hot on the heels of the last one, can get you assholes to shut up for five seconds! Don't you have anything else to do with your lives? Go flip burgers at Dracula's Blood Barn or something you swollen rejects.
12-03-2001: It's exactly one fucking week after the last time I updated, so I'm early. You cretins can thank me by sending in $100 bills.
10-16-2001: I have updated today, exactly 2 weeks after my last update and IF YOU THINK I'M LATE WITH MY UPDATE THEN YOU APPARENTLY CAN'T DO SIMPLE FUCKING MATH AND I SHOULD HEAD OVER TO YOUR TRAILER PARK AND STOMP IN YOUR SKULL AND DIG GOLF TEES INTO YOUR WORTHLESS LUNGS.
9-03-2001: alright you goddamn failure-ridden pathetic wads of crisco, Ive update my fucking page. so you shitheeled maggots can finally shut the hell up and stop sending me mail messages saying "OH WAH CLIFF, I AM A STUPID LOSER AND MY LIFE IS A BIG FAT WASTE SO ALL I DO IS READ YOUR PAGESITE BECAUSE I LIVE IN MY PARENT'S ATTIC AND INHALE CENTIPEDE PESTICIDE ALL DAY, WAH!" dont you retards EVER send me another message telling me to update because I have better things to do than entertain your worthless asses. so shove your mouth full of softballs, wastebags.
7-31-2001: I HAVE UPDATED AND I HAVE UPDATED EXACTLY ON TIME so all you shitfuckers who eel mailed me saying "WAH CLIFF UPDATE YOUR PAGE, I'M A PATHETIC DREG WHO HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN READ YOUR PAGE, WAH" should go empty a clip into your collective skulls, you pathetic pantywaists.
7-16-2001: okay heres my update. four new page of victims that should burn in greasy hell. your picture is probably somewhere in there too, you fatfaced retard inter-web shithunk.
6-25-2001: ive updated EXACTLY on time. if you think Im late then your watch is obviously fucking broken and that's not my fault, you dreg. 5 new pages of shitheads for you cretins to look at and feel better about yourselves, even though you're probably just as hideous looking.
5-28-2001: hey losers, stop fucking emailing me. yeah yeah yeah, Im another week late and youre all bent out of shape because you miss my hilarious and witty commentary and all youve been doing the past 14 days is jacking off to your dad's Sears catalogue, but I really dont give a shit. I have better things to do than to entertain you pimply faced Inter-net losers FOR FREE. like drinking. I take more shots than your average inner city basketball star. so in summary, go fuck a rope, you pale and skinny greaseshits.
5-14-2001: heres my update, right on goddamn time, like always. if youve got a fucking problem with the frequency that I update this page or anything about it, feel free to blast your pathetic brains out all over the garage wall because I sure as hell dont want to read your shit e-mail that sounds like it was written by a four year old with ADD. If youre some pathetic loser that has nothing better to do than email me about my web-page, then I'll pay the extra 25 bucks for gas to drive to your town and back over you with my Chrysler. jesus christ, you people on the inter-net are all idiots.
4-16-2001: okay you pathetic halfwits, listen up and listen GOOD. I missed a fucking week of updating. why? because I dont give a shit about this page and I certainly dont give a goddamn shit about you braindead jackasses reading my fucking web-site. if I had my way and congress passed the law Ive been lobbying for, Id have inserted a couple hundred hollow points through your lungs by now, because internet losers like you are why Americas military is the goddamn joke that it is. if I wasnt HONORABLY DISCHARGED Id be fighting right now, beating those lying sneaky Japs with that yield sign that fell down onto my lawn last christmas. but no, instead weve got drooling idiot punk morons like you running this country, prancing around and looking at goat porn on the internet and whacking off all day and sending me stupid fucking mails telling me to update my site. heres a message for you nancyboys: FUCK OFF. I update my goddamn page when I feel like it and all your pukeworthy whining wont change a goddamn thing. I got better things to do than type words on the internet so you babbling cretins can beat off to pictures of fat whores and mental rejects that live in my town. so fuck off and dont bother mailing me because I have better things to do than read your shitty crap. stop fucking visiting my website and go outside so some biker gang can rape you and bury your corpse in a medical waste dump, you human reject.
4-02-2001: like clockwork, Ive updated again. dont bother emailing me with your crap shit mail like "OH CLIFF YOURE THE BEST, PLEASE FUCK MY WIFE SO WE CAN HAVE YOUR BABIES" because chances are Ive probably already screwed your dogfaced skank of a wife and she was a worse lay than the dead raccoon I found in the creek behind my house.
3-27-2001: updated. stop mailing me, demanding I update. I dont owe you worthless computer geeks jack shit, so go piss up a rope, you ungrateful pricks. I hate each and every one of you leeching gutless bastards, so do me a favor and sell your computer for shiny new 40-sided dice so I dont have to read your goddamn worthless mail anymore. next jackass to email me and demand I update on time gets a combat boot implanted halfway into their turd-sized brain. fuck each and every one of you shiteating morons.
3-19-2001: I have updated my webpage early today. I did that becuase I plan on going out and getting hammered at Als Corner Bar. Ive been on some fucked up tequila kick lately. thats all I drink. tequila. oh great, now Im associated with those slobs south of the border. shoot me now.
and dont bother mailing me to say "OH CLIFF YOURE THE BEST" because I know Im the best, goddammit. get off your computer you geeks and go out and get a fucking job and stay the fuck away from my bushes or Ill shove a broom handle into your skull you braindead simps.
3-12-2001: more people I hate mixed in with various witty comments I made while drunk.go and read it now you computer losers.
3-7-2001: Ive updated. now fuck off.
2-26-2001: jesus christ, you whiny little bitches need to go out and get a life for gods sake. all I get is "WAH, CLIFF, UPDATE YOUR PAGE, IM TIRED OF JACKING OFF TO THE ABC NEWS ALL DAY, WAH, UPDATE YOUR PAGE." fuck you all. I hate you. Ive updated my fucking page, so shut the hell up you mongrel bastards.
now leave me alone, you gutless simps.
2-21-2001: STOP EMAILING ME WITH YOUR PATHETIC, WHINING, SNIVELING LITTLE BITCHFESTS, GODDAMMIT
listen up you drooling little sycophants. as you might have realized, I didnt update my goddamn page on Monday. in case you moronic communist retards missed the liberty boat, it was presidents day on monday, honoring some of americas greatest heroes. so I took the day off and went down to my buddy James Finngold's place on elmwood drive. James owns a boat he "got" from the military surplus store. weve been fixing up this bastard hunk of shit for the past 4 years, so we decides its time to throw the fucker into the water and take her out for a test drive. well we tow the bitch out to the river and back it up, and next thing you know, the goddamn boat sinks straight down to the bottom of the goddamn river. now I wouldnt of given a rats ass, except the boat was already loaded up with four bottles of JD and enough vodka to choke a camel. and Im sitting there in James' goddamn Ford piece of shit, watching my liquor sink to the bottom of the river. So I start shouting at that moron James to get out and jump into the damn river and get my alcohol or else Ill go to his house and screw his dog-faced excuse for a wife. he runs out and tries to grab the rope, so I drive off his his piece of crap Ford and go to his house and screw his dog-faced excuse for a wife. then I pass out in his backyard and IM woken up by his fag dog sniffing my crotch. So I go to kick the unholy snot out of that retarded dog, when I hear the Police radio coming from James' house, so I climbed over the fence and got the hell out of dodge.
So no, I didn't update my page this Monday maybe Ill get to it sometime by the end of the week. who knows. I dont live to serve you little pathetic shitheads who have nothing better to do that to use this Inter-net. go fuck off you pissfaced bastards. Ill update the site when I get around to it, goddammit.
2-12-2001: I update this page every monday, so stop fucking emailing me and demanding I update or else I'll hunt you down like the pathetic dog you are and beat all the ugly out of your skull with a monkeywrench. I only update once a week because I have better things to do in my damn life, like watch Law and Order on TV, because the new season is simply excellent. so buzz off, here's six new pages of people I hate. hopefully you're in there. I can't imagine why not.
2-05-2001: goddamn, the mutants in Appleton City seem to be breeding like maggots. I can't even step outside naked without seeing one of the rat bastards. and no, the only reason I was naked outside was because I was taking a damn shower and I heard a noise on my front porch, so I assumed it was those little morons from across the street who think it's "cool" to throw rotting pumpkins and shit on my steps and then run away like the pansy cowards they are. so I grabbed my baseball bat and ran outside to cave in their skulls, but they had run away. then I turn around to go back inside, and I notice some crazy religious Jesus pamphlet in my damn bushes. I hate it when the church nutballs throw their shit around, so I go to pick up "God Loves All The Worthless Freaks in Appleton City" crap letter and my goddamn towel blows off and goes into the rosebushes. since there's no way in hell I'm jumping into those things and scratching up Cliff Jr., I just said "screw this" and forgot about it. Then I passed out. I dont remember why, because I dont think I had been drinking that morning. no wait, I had. nevermind.
anyway, 6 new pages of people I hate. you're probably in one of the pictures. that's because I hate you.
1-29-2001: five new pages of various shitfuckers and humanoid waste projects that inhabit my town. I swear to God this place is a hellhole.
1-22-2001: that ugly peckerhead Richard convinced me to keep updating my page. he said "what else are you going to do with your time?" so I said "kick your scrawny white ass down the street" and I did that for an evening. that night when I was in jail, the cop said that Im going to keep showing up in jail if I keep assaulting people, so I should just stick to writing this site here and watching tv. the cop also said that if he ever sees a picture of his daughter on this site he'll unload a few hollow points into my skull, so if you've got a photo of Captain Hazelford's kid, send it to me ASAP so I can get back at that bastard.
1-18-2001: I have finally reached 100 pages of people in the Appleton City area that I just can't stand and want to see buried under a mound of medical waste. now that I've hit 100, I might just stop updating this "web-page" and get back to my normal life. I'll have to think about it.later, losers.
12-25-2000: merry damn christmas, you rotten turds. Ive got six new pages of people I hate (starting with page 84). screw off.
12-18-2000: six new pages of various lowlifes and mutants from the Appleton City area. page 78 is the first page of new pictures, so click your computer thing on that to see them. I don't know how this shit works, that scumbag Richard redesigned this thing for me although I don't know why he bothered because it was fucking fine in the first place, but whatever. if you have any problems, bitch to him about it. here is the new shit in its pictures:
12-17-2000: I have redesigned Cliff's page for him so it's easier for his readers to navigate. Also Cliff broke a glass bottle in my face when I rang his doorbell! Look for at least five new pages of people Cliff Yablonksi hates coming up tomorrow, as soon as he sends them into me!
If you have any tech problems, send them into me. Cliff Yablonski doesn't know HTML from a wheelbarrow, so don't bother complaining to him about it.