Never order room service in the West Appleton Ramada Inn. If for some stupid reason you do, chances are pretty good that it will be eaten by the staff by the time it gets up to your room.
Gothic Darksoul Chyld wears an angry shirt in protest because mom wouldn't let her stay out until 2 am driving her BMW to the New Kids on the Block concert!
PS: Mommy's credit card bought her the shirt!
The Melanoma Twins perform at the North Appleton Senior Citizen Party, "Take Out Your Teeth and Boogie." In this act they're trying to impersonate and look like real live human beings. The result is more disastrous than the time one of the little shithead punks at the gas station tried to run off with the bathroom key. I caught up with the greasy haired puke bastard and beat his skull against a telephone pole until the AT&T guy came down and said I knocked out half the city's telephone service. What the hell do I care, I don't ever use the goddamn phone anyway. It's not like I call 1-900-BARNYARD numbers or anything like the rest of the deformed goons in this wretched city.
"ROWWWWR! Some pussies can't hold their liquor! Kinda like you Cliff, you wrinkled up bag of shit! RAOOOWWWWWRRRR!"
Goddammit Uglycat, just for that moronic comment, I'm not changing your litterbox for the next four months.
"RRRROWWWWRRRRR! I left a gift in your coffee, ya shriveled up AARP flunky! RAAAAWWWWWWWRRRR!!!"
The first date is always the most uncomfortable, especially when you're dealing with mutant love.
Important rule to remember when trapped in Appleton City: LOOK before you SIT. Some of the more flaming members in this town like to take advantage of newcomers like this.