CLIFF YABLONSKI VERSUS THE HORRIBLE PEOPLE
- "Hello would you like to come over to my house, we can be friends and have a fun time and hang out and HAHA YOU WERE TRICKED, LET'S TALK ABOUT JESUS FOR SEVERAL HUNDRED THOUSAND HOURS!!!"
- What the hell is "Bibleopoly" anyway? Oh whoopdeedoo, I landed on Elisha Place, now all my kids have been mauled to death by bears. I hate Monopoly just about as much as I hate Bibleopoly. One day I broke into a toy store to see if they sold plastic hogs that squirt beer into your mouth and I tripped on something and hit my head and my eye was all screwed up for weeks after that. Eventually I saw an eyeball doctor and he said I had the metal dog piece from Monopoly stuck in my eye. He wanted to remove it but I smacked the crap out of his hand because that greedy rotworm just wanted to steal it and melt it down and make a dollar coin with it and I'll be damned if I let some idiot steal my eyedog.
- The neck, it never ends! Soon it will engulf the head and a creature will form that is entirely neck. Somebody call John Deere and ask him to mow the amber waves of groin oozing out through Bruce Remmington's neck of the woods.
- METH HOUSE.
- I thought perfect symmetry was supposed to make things more pleasing on the eye, not encourage suicide. Looks like somebody held a dog dish full of margarine up to a mirror.
- I think this is Elliot Reynolds, the chunkheaded goobag who runs the projectors at the Appleton Cineplex. I haven't seen a movie there since "On Golden Pond" back in 81 or 82 or whenever, because every movie made after that has been dumb as hell. I figured out a foolproof way to get a free ticket into the movies though, I thought of it a couple nights ago when I was looking for my car keys in the toilet.
- Here's what you do, you get a fake cast and put your arm in it to make it look like you're some pansy ass sissy who broke his arm in a slapfight with the black guy from Designing Women. Then you put a motorcycle helmet on and bring a copy of the local newspaper from a month ago. Walk up to the ticket counter and ask for a ticket to some movie that stopped playing a few weeks ago. They'll tell you that movie isn't playing there anymore, and then you say "but it says it's playing right here in the paper!" Then, when they lean forward to look at the paper, you grab them by the skull and beat their head against the counter until they die. Then you go see your movie and if it sucks then you hunt down the manager and tell him his wife sucks in bed.
- Danny visits the mustard factory.