I HATE YOU PAGE 236
- Appleton City Pro Wrestler Danny "Greasebags" Scurvelli "rocks out" before getting his ass handed to him by rival wrestling sensation "El Molestadore." I think that El Molestadore guy is a good American, he kicks the shit out of everybody and he got arrested for smacking his wife with a folding chair last week. We need more good Americans like El Molestadore who fight for what they believe in, like hitting stupid broads when they get out of line and ask for unreasonable crap like toilet paper and free trips to the store and whatever. I hope El Molestadore kicks all your shits you little whimpering simps, I fought for America and El Molestadore probably fought for America too so you punks better keep that in mind when you see me driving my car over your deadbeat mom and you think of saying something really fucking stupid like "stop" or "help" because I deserve respect goddammit, and you flying asshoses don't give me nothing but headaches.
- Raging slobberhound Mike Michiglaus offers up some of his deep fried meat treats. These delicacies are only available after I've personally visited his house and used his enormous gut as a target for my practice in the upcoming "Bowling Ball Toss Arena" sport that will be featured in the Appleton City Simp Olympics. It's not official yet, especially since I'm the guy creating the damn thing and I don't got no time to write up shit on my computer paper screen, but I really look forward to the Simp Olympics. Other sports I'm thinking of include the "200 Feet Escape" where the Hendrickson kids try to avoid my shotgun blasts for 200 feet. I'm not going to name any of the events "Meters" or shit because what the fuck is a meter? It's some goddamn Russian code thing, I don't know how long a fucking meter is, I think it's like 19 cubic miles or something, those damn commies will never learn.
- Chief Indian Blackheart Whitetears. He tried to start up his own goth Indian riverboat casino, but the government had to shut it down because all the white pancake makeup worn on the boat was causing it to sink into Lake Meatshores.
- Manny Lemsticks and his fabulous doughlike wife, Francine. Manny claims he was in WWII and goes to all the VFW meetings and shit, but I know he's just a lying sack of shit because I was in WWII and I never saw him there, and I saw EVERYBODY. He wasn't in WWII and if you're reading this computer screen Frank, you better kick Manny out of the VFW or else so help me God I'll buy a bunch of Jap flags and douse them in gasoline and bring all the boxes over to your place and just drive really fast because my piece of shit Chrysler is falling apart and I swear I was ripped off when I bought that. So I forgot what I was talking about but I don't give a fucking fucker's fuck anyway, I've been drinking all day and that's all that matters.
- Professor Baron Von Hamguts demonstrates the magic art of making crowds of people disappear. One time I saw this skullshovel perform at the Pizza Adobe on 16th Street and he was doing all kinds of shit with playing cards so I shouted "WITCHCRAFT!" and rushed up on the stage and shoved that guy's magic wand so far up his ass that he was shitting rabbits for weeks.
- I AM THE ROBOT MASTER, I AM PART ROBOT AND ALL WHITE TRASH, LET ME HELP YOU FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR AT TARGET!