My ingenious Ugly Ass Magnet Trap pulls in another disfigured beast of the damned. I've set up these things all across town and they've been full of dirtbags since the first day. It's a lot easier to beat somebody with a shovel when they're stuck to a wall.

Aspiring circus clowns Katherine Harris and Michael Fir exchange beauty tips. Shortly after, I busted in and exchanged gunfire.

The beasts of the jungle have fallen to one of the beasts of the 7-11 on the corner of Parker and Blakemore Avenue.

The Strongman contest makes way for the Flabman contest. The first event measures how far each contestant's gut hangs over their underwear. Sometimes I like to roll these peckers down a hill and watch their fat crush everything in their way, like a 50-ton boulder composed completely of bacon.

Even the superhero teams in Appleton City have the combined IQ of a suppository. I don't know who the hell these morons are, but if I were to hazard a guess, I would assume they fight for theater directors everywhere.

Even aliens are now afraid to visit this Godforsaken hellhole of a city. Alan Thomas turns the tables and offers a little voluntarily probing of his own.