I Hate You Page 106
- The Anorexic Cowboy flexes and shows off his muscular ribcage. The thing I like about this guy is that when my boot connects with his scrawny chest, I can actually see the results of my work and count the number of broken ribs. My high score for one shot is four. If anybody out there wants to challenge me, go ahead and kick the creep's ass. Be sure to take pictures and send them in (no, I dont know how to link to my mail address to shut the hell up, I'm not a computer geek like you probably are).
- Hallmark presents the North Appleton Valentine's Day Theater:
The surprise ending happens when they drive home and pass a McDonalds without stopping. Big Mac sales plummet 6000%.
- I can't remember who the fuck this clown was because I wasn't wearing my glasses when I first broke into his house. I thought his stomach said "Slug Me" so I did. Then I put my glasses on and realized that I botched up the job, so I bashed the creep's skull against a coffee table so he'd get amnesia. He didn't get amnesia, but I did get his new TV set and his cable box which doesn't seem to work at my place. If you know how to get his cable box working, mail me (go find my email address on the front page, like I already fucking said, I dont know how to put it on here).
- Heavy metal rock and roll 12 year old Karen Parker. She's forced to dress like that at gunpoint by her deadbeat parents who want to collect the $10,000 from "Americas Funniest Home Videos" when a ladder falls on her. Good Lord, I sure hope so.
- HOO HAAA, wacky hyjinx ensue at the West Appleton City Trailer Plaza! I wish a tornado would wipe out these retarded maggots once and for all because I'm getting sick of driving all the way out there and running out of bullets when shooting at their propane tanks.
- North Appleton has culture. Here is a photo from their musical production of "Aliens". Towards the end of this show, this alien lays a bunch of eggs and is eventually fried by some Marines' flamethrowers. I hate culture.