I Hate You Page 223
- Eddie Reynolds, the local turtle impersonator. The last turtle impersonator was unfortunately hit by a Chrysler and is now stuffed and mounted on a certain war veteran's fireplace. Well he used to be at least, until I got all loaded up and threw a bowl of salami at it and it fell down into the fire which caught my goddamn carpet on fire, so I threw a whole bunch of gin on it to put out the flames but the fire just got worse so I ran downstairs into my basement and just waited it out until the firemen came and then I punched them in the lungs for breaking and entering.
- Charlie Drummonds, one of the other VFW members who I used to play Poker with until I realized that he counted cards and cheated every single time. I used my tire iron to adjust the angle of his neck that night. I'm fairly sure I lost that tire iron while I was beating this ass old simp to a pulp, so I assume it's in there somewhere.
- I don't know who these two blubbering cretins are, I don't even remember this picture, who the hell took this?
Enoch Yablonski: Go shit up a snake you lousy freeloading creased slug, I may not be able to remember every single detail about every little thing, but at least I can still get it up without the help of an entire medical staff and a tube of super glue you limp sissy.
- After I stole the engine from Doctor Frolick's car, he attempted to escape in his Nerdmobile. I couldn't find any engine to rip out of that thing, so I had to settle for his large intestines. At least that's what I think they were, it might've been a tapeworm.
- The Catch and Release Program goes horribly wrong.
The Kentucky Fried Hog shows off an appetizer. The kid would just grow up to be another worthless mutant anyway, so I guess it doesn't even matter. People in this pusscrammed town shouldn't be able to breed anyway, maybe the Kentucky Fried Hog should be visiting the day cares around here. That's a damn good idea, I'm going to get on the phone right now and tell the butterslug that there's a Pizza Pocket deposit in each day care in this town.