James Bond here thinks he is "cool" because he has giant commie money, but I taught him the only way to relax is with a hammer to the temple.

I met this loopy broad at the bank and she was arguing way too much about dollars and cents. I followed her home and knocked the dollars and sense right out of her goofy face. HAHAHHA! Because she was talking about cents and I knocked the SENSE out of her. I thought that one up while I was shaving my back.

This doughy troll holds secrets! I have seen her unhinge her jaw and eat an entire buffet at Denny's. They used to have a fine breakfast bar there, but once the fatties caught wind they stampeded in and ruined the whole place before noon. The sausages they had were really decent and not covered with hair like the kind you get at Bob Evans like they have some fruity cat back there running the grill. I just can't swallow a sausage when I'm looking at twenty bloated meatsacks shove piles of waffles into their bucketmouths. Goddamn Breakfast Bar.

Chewy the Gothnaut likes to eat burgers and cry about the souls of lost cows. I made it eat the wrong end of my boot and that shut it up for a while.


This Bronson family triple-decker with a side of homo is not why my buddies died in Korea face down in the mud. Charlie Murphy was machinegunning a jap when he caught a bullet in the tailpipe, I have never seen a man yell so much, I thought I was going to bust a gasket laughing. I felt bad for a minute when he died because of that, but then I saw them Japs comin' and I had to shoot them in their inscrutable heads with my bazooka launcher. Like the Bronson family, only I would have shot them but I ran out of ammo, so I threw my .357 through their misshapen skulls.