A zombie and his two crypt keepers attend the "Undead Republicans" convention in the West Appleton City Convention Hall. Democrats, Republicans, mummies - I don't give a shit. If you're vaguely humanoid and you're in between myself and the men's restroom after I've eaten at the Waffle House, you can be damn sure that I'm gonna stomp in your face with my boots and wipe the remains across the urinal cakes. Speaking of that, why the fuck do they call em urinal "cakes"? They sure as fuck dont taste like cake... at least thats what zombie granddad over there told me.

Wake up, you doughy little frat jerkoff. Another member of Kappa Fucka Zebra prepares to get tossed out the window of his frat house and into the parking lot. Goddamn fratboys and their shitty ass lite beer. I can drink entire frathouses under the table, not that I'd want to, because I know what the hell the rest of em do under the table and I dont want no part of that pansy ass shit.

A giant spider attacks a roast beef. Who will win? I'm not sure, but I do know that any poor simp looking at this pic automatically LOSES.

That kid from "The Munsters" graduates college. I forgot his name, Eddie something. Eddie Haskel or Eddie Vedder or some shit like that. I dont know, I dont watch shit like that no more, all I watch is Law and Order every night. All that other shit is crap. Even that show where they put the 10 drooling retards on an island and the camera guy follows em around and watches them eat poison berries and gravel.

A couple of worthless goths tell ol' Yablonski that he's number one. I dont even think Satan wants anything to do with these pasty-faced Cure fuckjars. All I know is that after I'm done rearranging their pathetic faces, my hands are covered with white makeup. At least I'm fucking HOPING that's makeup.

The Garbage Fairy granted me one wish. In return, I let him choose the one internal organ that he wanted to remain intact after I clubbed his fruity corpse to death with a piece of rebar that I stole from Home Depot when I was drunk last Thursday. I'm sure you can guess which organ he chose.